CSI: NY Exposed!
by OnlyFoolsReadMyStories
Summary: In CSI: NY... Exposed, we show what they don't show, so you get the full works with even more of the humor! Yes, that even means you get weird equations like: SiO2 s 4HF aq SiF4 g 2H2O l ... although I have no idea what that means. Enjoy!
1. It Was The Squirrels!

Welcome to CSI:NY - EXPOSED! Here, we show what they don't show, so you get the team, the geeks, the complicated words which are supposed to be English, the flashing images (as the warning always tells us), but most of all, it is all snowballed together along with THE HUMOR! Yes, sit back and enjoy (although if you are short - sighted this is not a good idea) as these collections of bloopers blow some nitrous oxide down your throat AND MAKE YOUR GUTS EXPLODE!!

**CSI: NY - EXPOSED!**

- BLOOP -

Flack was running down the alley at high speed, chasing the suspect, leaping and vaulting over dustbins and various other things.

The camera was hot on his heels, not far behind, catching all the action. Suddenly, Flack slipped over and flew through the air at a magnificent height, all the while yelling his eyes out. He finally crash landed in a huge pile of boxes, and because he was relatively tall and lanky, his feet stuck out comically.

What was even more comical was that when he emerged, he had a small gash on his nose and a bruise on his forehead, but also covered in baked beans, with the tin can on his head.

'CUT! CUT, CUT, CUT!' the director yelled, and the suspect stopped in the middle of vaulting over the wall at the end of the alley.

Flack stood up, embarrassed.

'Whoever left that banana peel there,' he fumed, sticking his arm out and pointing at it, 'I will catch and pulverize into ridiculously tiny pieces!'

Everyone who was offset was now sniggering at the humiliation of Flack, who had by now almost certainly had his ego bashed and dented.

The camera man, who still had the camera rolling, swung round and focused on Danny (who was the only person going red and not laughing), deliberately zooming in.

He started whistling nonchalontly, and everyone looked at him, noticing that he seemed very suspicious and was probably the responsible person.

He gave up whistling and instead tried to defend himself by words (mainly because he had seen Flack marching towards him with an 'I'm-Going-To-Pulverize-You-Into-Deadness' look on his face.

'What? What did I do?' he said, alarm bells going off in his head. 'What? I-I don't litter! I don't eat bananas! It wasn't me!'

He started backing away from the ever nearing Flack, who by now smelled absolutely putrid.

'Flack, good buddy, it wasn't me! I'm telling you!'

He narrowed his eyes, disbelieving.

'IT WAS THE SQUIRRELS!' He said as a desperate attempt, which, of course, failed.

'It was good meeting you, Danny.' Lindsay said as she walked past, patting him sympathetically on the back.

* * *

**I guess ideas sound better in the imagination, eh?**

**It's a Danny & Lindsay moment up next... although it's not what you'd expect it to be...**

**; P**


	2. Consequences Of Coffee

- BLOOP -

Danny and Lindsay stood side by side, both peering into a microscope. There was a cup of steaming hot coffee between them that Lindsay had put there before she had began examining the evidence.

Her eyes were still glued to the microscope when she said, 'Danny, pass me the case file...'

And of course, the inevitable happened.

She swung her hand out, ready to recieve the file, when her hand knocked on the cup of coffee and it spilled.

Spot onto Danny's... crotch, shall we say.

He immediately yelled out in pain, and the director immediately yelled out in fustration.

'Ok, CUT!'

Lindsay immediately burst into a fit of giggles and 'Oh-I'm-So-Sorry's, as Danny fell to the floor bent double.

* * *

**Very short.**


	3. Fantasy Impossible

**- BLOOP -**

Danny and Lindsay were in the break room, having their... well, break, doy!

Lindsay picked up a cream tea and sipped her coffee.

'How very English.' she commented as she bit into it.

'Don't try to change the subject Montana...' Danny whined.

She put down her cup of coffee defiantly, and Danny edged away a bit (mainly because of the _other _coffee incident), and glared at him.

'Danny! I'm not wearing G-strings just so you can fantasize all day!'

* * *

**Lol, just to tease you.**


	4. Watch It!

- BLOOP -

'He couldn't have killed her this morning, Sid said it was around yesterday afternoon!' Stella said, getting confused.

'All the evidence points towards that theory.' Mac said, not really making any sense of it all either.

Stella pulled her sleeve up to look at her watch, to try and figure out if it was really possibly that this _theory _was true.

There was no watch there.

'CUT CUT CUT CUUUUT!' Yelles the director fustratedly. 'Who's in charge of props? Stella, go get your watch, Rick's got it...'

'No, no, I can borrow Mac's, keep filming!' she said, holding up Mac's arm. Mac was glaring sullenly at her. She could see there was no chance of that.

The rest of the team were offset, laughing at the simple mistake (and also because they were pissing off the director).

Rick sheepishly handed her the watch and the director hit his head 3 times on the table.

'Right, FROM the top...' he groaned. 'Okay, scene 15, take 8, ACTION...'

* * *

**Heh, I wanted to update quickly and I got this off the top of my head. Turned out pretty well. Quite a few things to snigger at.**

**Hey, you know you guys are really mean? You add me to you favourite authors list or the story alert list _and you don't leave a review? _You just skip it somehow and you don't leave a comment, and yet you still find the time to backtrack and put me down on your alerts or favourites. So you don't want me to know how well I'm doing? Well, maybe I'll just write a crap chapter next that isn't at all funny.**

**Thank for all the people who DO review. Unlike SOOOOME people.**

**: (**


	5. Magic Bullets

- BLOOP -

'Hello Hawkes,' Stella said as she walked down towards him. 'Found anything new?'

'Yup.' he answered simply. He was elbow deep in (fake) blood and gore from the dummy, I - I mean vic, and he was concentrating hard.

Finally, he pulled his arm back out, holding a small bullet.

Stella smiled triumphantly and he dropped it into the evidence bag, also mirroring her expressions.

As he dropped it in, two seconds later a little 'clang', followed by lots of little 'clung clung clung clung''s as the bullet dropped straight through the evidence bag and bounced around on the floor.

'Well, there you have it, that's how to make a bullet go through an evidence bag _without_ there seeming to be a hole in it!' Sheldon said amusedly, and once again the foghorn of a director burst out (Along with a smattering of light laughter and applause).

'CUT! How many times must I tell you? CHECK the props before we shoot!_' _he yelled, and once again the rookie props person blushed sheepishly.

'Argh, you're all driving round the bloody corner!' he muttered.

'Director, sir, I believe it's 'bend', not 'corner'.' Danny piped up cockily, not even bothering to resist the temptation of making his boss explode.

* * *

**I'm sorry, this may not be up to normal standards but you're all being so nice to me with all your reviews and I had to say thank you somehow with a crap present.**


	6. Swimming Pool Karma

- BLOOP -

Mac and Danny were already at the crime scene, which was a high school swimming pool. (Author's Note: Ha!)

They stood staring at it, so that they could take in the visual information before getting down to the nitty - gritty.

'Where's Stella? She should be here by now.' said Danny, and the camera changed angle to show her walking towards them.

She walked confidently towards them (mainly because she was certain that she had learned all her lines), and said to the pair, 'You know, there could be evidence down there,' she said glancing down towards the bottom of the pool, all the while walking briskly.

'Someone's gotta go down there to look.'

She smiled, but then all of a sudden slipped on a wet puddle and did a magnificent back - flop onto the water. She rose quickly, spluttering and coughing. Her hair looked like it had been stuck in superglue and then plastered onto her face.

She swore, but a little part of her inside her brain knew that the director would be a ticking bomb by now. She could already hear the explosion as a matter of fact.

Mac sauntered over, seeing a chance to tease his friend.

'How very nice of you to volunteer, Stella. I didn't know you were so enthusiastic.'

Danny snorted with laughter, then covered his mouth, realizing what he had done, then caved in again and burst into a fit of laughter.

Obviously, at this point, Stella suddenly felt the need for revenge and pulled hard on the hand that Mac held out.

She expected a loud splash next to her and more cougherring and splutting, but instead Mac was glued to the spot, standing up straight.

'Oh come on Stella. That's the oldest one in the book.' he said calmly, and Stella glared back with scorching laser beams.

* * *

**Again, probably not up to standards but hey. Read my pen name.**


	7. Sorry, Just An Author's Note

Hello! I'm sorry, you're all probably yelling at me for putting this in the middle of a story, but I just wanted to say in my profile, there are 2 important polls I'd like you to perhaps give like, 30 seconds to. Because they are incredibly imporatant to future stories. And sice no one has bothered, I thought I'd send out a message that anyone who reads this story will read.

I have no idea what that means either, just put your opinion down on the poll and get on with your life again.

Thank you, I will delete this as soon as the poll is closed, which will be sometime around the middle of next month.

Remember, OnlyFoolsReadMyStories!


	8. Second Hand Wheelie Chairs

- BLOOP -

Adam sat down in his 'brand new' wheelie chair (which was actually second hand as the director had been a bit strapped of cash. Either that or he's just plain selfish), and started analyzing the picture of the robber.

Lindsay walked in, holding a thick wad of paperwork and files, then decided she should stay near the doorway so that she had a slightly less distance to walk. It didn't make much of a difference, but hey.

'Hey, Adam.' she said.

'Hey - Woah! That's quite a load of paperwork you got there, dude, er, Lindsay.' he said, eyes widening at the skyscraper of paper that Lindsay was underneath of.

'Yeah, I just need the report you were finishing off for me?' she said, almost buckling under the weight.

Adam pushed himself so that he rolled over on his chair, grabbed the report and turned around to glide over in the vague direction of Lindsay. Doing so, his foot had got caught in one of the wobbly wheels (It WAS second hand, like I said) and once again another member of the team went flying through the air in an ungraceful arc.

'AAAAAAAAARGH!' he yelled (Unsurprisingly - I would have yelled the same thing.)

Lindsay stepped neatly out of the way, but Adam's hand caught onto the stack of paper and it went toppling down.

On top of him.

He lay sprawled under the massive blanket of paper, which couldn't of been comfortable, and stuck his hand up with his thumb sticking up.

'I'm good... I'm... actually, I may not be that good...' he said, shaking his head to try and get rid of the stars.

The director, by now, had been expecting this (Once again, it WAS a second hand wheelie chair), and had run out of steam, not even bothering to shout 'CUT'.

* * *

**I get half of my ideas when I'm half asleep (which is not often, I tell you - maybe I should cut down on the coffee) and incidentally, following half-sleepiness comes sleep, wich means I forget them.**

**But luckily this one came fresh this morning, so I had to write it down.**

**And anyway, it's got Adam! I like Adam, he's adorable in a kind of Joey-like way, except perhaps slightly different.**

**By the way, I've noticed all the reviews have just kinda suddenly STOPPED for 2 whole days, and you know, I was kinda missing them.**


	9. Crash Dummy

- BLOOP -

Mac and Stella were standing on set, getting ready to shoot the next scene. They were rehearsing their lines as, being the more mature members of the gang, they knew that you could only make the director breathe fire so many times before he exploded.

The set was a rather bloody mess (but we all know that it's all ketchup and leftover strawberry Slush Puppies), and the rather spooky, realistic-looking dummy was twisted in all directions (the director wanted a real actor but was forced, er, I mean, decided on having a dummy).

'Okay...', the director said loudly, and everyone shushed. 'Scene, 13, Take 1!' and the camera rolled into life.

'Wow. Looks like we've got a messy killer on our hands.' Stella said grimly, looking at the leftover - Slush Puppy covered dummy.

'We're-' Mac started, but was interrupted when another ketchup covered dummy flew through the window of the supposedly desolate store beside them. It landed straight on Mac and he tumbled down, getting tangled with the dummy and his own tie.

'Argh!' he let out a short yell (actually, knowing Mac, it was more of an annoyed grunt), before it was cut off by the director's big gob.

'Who. Was. In. Charge. Of. The. Props. For. This. Scene. ? .' he said menacingly, desperately trying to keep his temper under control.

(At this point Danny's brain was working up a joke at what the director just said, but knowing what happened last time he kept his nosh-muncher shut)

The man responsible popped his head out the shattered sugar glass.

'Sorry, mate, had a bit of trouble with timin'. Another scene, eh?' he said, totally unaware of the steam coming out of the directors ears. (Someone could have just walked by and mistaken him for a kettle; the director really was that pissed off).

* * *

**Just to say, I'm sure that the director of CSI:NY can't possibly be as mad as I've made him out to be, and that this particular character is completely fictatious.**

**By the way, if you wanted to know what Danny's joke was... gimme a review! (Although the joke is pretty shyt so if you just want to give me a review that is totally acceptable as well)**

**Thanks to Devil-may-care101 for, erm, " beta - ing"!**


	10. Spoonerism Annoys Mac

- BLOOP -

Mac, Stella and Hawkes were all standing around the autopsy table, which had a life-size human actor lying on it. They were all staring at it curiously and Hawkes started talking about his 'findings'.

After he had finished his explanations, Mac and Stella both had identical expressions on.

'Okay. So the spife didn't go through the knine...'

The rest of the sentence wasn't finished as Stella spluttered into a fit of laughter, realizing what she had said.

- BLOOP -

'Scene 21, Take 2... ACTION!'

'Okay. So the knife didn't go through the spine. That lells us a tot... No! Sorry, sorry...'

Mac sighed and shook his head.

_This is what I have to work with every day... _Mac thought.

- BLOOP -

The camera man sighed and got ready to shoot.

'Scene 21, Take 3... ACTION!'

'O - '

Stella couldn't take it anymore. They went through the scene many times until Stella had finally pulled herself together.

-&-

After they had finished shooting, the cameraman decided to have a bit of fun and zoomed in on Mac and Stella talking. Well, actually, it was Mac being slightly boring and Stella looking slightly interested.

'You know what you just did? The mixing up of letters? That's called spoonerism.' Mac informed.

Stella looked at him.

'Oh. Heh. I wonder what forkerism would be then.'

Mac glared at her sullenly.

* * *

**Okay, I'm sorry I'm being a bit boring with all my stories being totally funny and slightly sarcastic, but if you go to the humor section, you will find very few pages of humorous stories compared to angsty ones. I am just trying to fix that.**

**Why do people like angst? Do they like seeing people worry? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses! Gimme humor anyday.**

**Anyway, I have some bad news. Anyone guess? If you do, then you get a mention in the next chapter, if noone gets it, well, noone gets any mention and you'll have to wait 'till the next chapter to find out.**

**Devil-may-care101... I salute you for taking on my amazingly rubbish jokes.**


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